People ovek can make
horse walk up to the water
but he cannot make her drink.
/ John Haywood, proverbs /
Once at the seminar, I asked the audience: “What do you feel when you are told that you need to de lat? “
Since childhood, each of us have been given countless unsolicited advice. Remember, as in children stve Mom and Dad said to you: “You’re too much of a walk, you should read more books?” Try to remember how you felt about it. Did you immediately rush to read? Or they say, “Thank you, papoch ka, I immediately sit down at the book!”? Most likely, you experienced a sense of controversy and resentment, and aftermath her, what you were going to do at this moment is to take a book and start reading it. Or remember how some of your friends told you something like, “You need to go running, you get fat.” Or: “You should cut these terrible dreadlocks.” Or: “You need to quit smoking, because you have children.” How did you react to this? Did these tips help you? Most likely no. This is how listeners who participated in my seminar reacted to such “useful tips”.
Nancy: I smile, but, of course, do not follow this with vetam.
Mike: I feel angry and hurt.
Dorothy: I’m defensive and I don’t like this feeling.
Brian: I react to them with sarcasm.
Jake: I feel wounded, hurt and wasps korblennoy and feel angry at the same time.
Whitney: I will not follow the advice of those who do not concern etsya, what should I do. I will feel a sense of protest.
George: I’ll just smile and ignore the advice.
Cynthia: I hate it when I make something de lat, therefore, begin to behave disrespectful of respect to the
Wendy: I don’t want to offend anyone. I Postara yus do what I ask, but then close in themselves and nursed a grudge.
Seth: I want to kill such advisers!
Carla: I feel like I rolled on depres- Sia, which can last long enough.
Sam: If someone thinks that I have to do something, I will not do it, even if I understand that with vetchik rights. But at the same time I will literally lose my temper, knowing that I am not doing the right thing to do.
Ryan: I feel a sense of inferiority and uni zheniya.
Linda: I feel that they are trying to manipulate me, and I will resist it.
As you can see, if someone says that he knows how we should act, we often feel anger and IP experience t frustration. We feel anxious and not gativ, advisers and reject their advice. We feel uncomfortable, as if we were attacked and offended.
That’s what will feel like our friends and kin stvenniki if we advise them to eat more raw food. Similarly, a statement by a family member that he decided to become a raw foodist can be frightening news to others. Tra -traditional cooked meal is known to us and is the norm; this is what is accepted by our culture. Do you want your relatives and loved ones to think that they are trying to be controlled, to feel protest, negative, rejection and anger? But this is how they would react if one day you Zaya vite them, “I’m going to be raw foodists, so do not eat this stuff in my presence! I am sick of one of its kind! “
I advise you to do just the opposite. Having decided to become a raw foodist, talk to your family. Explain to them: “My dear, my step does not affect you! Raw foodists of – this is my personal choice. I do not ask you to eat raw food, and I absolutely will not interfere if you, as before, have your favorite steaks. I’m not trying to change you, I want to change myself. I do not expect you to follow my example, be interested in, or even want to try what I eat . ” After talking with loved ones in this way, you will feel how they breathe with relief.
Sometimes we call at their loved ones feeling awkward STI even without words. Some are able to say Nitsche th, express their disapproval look. For example, teaching update themselves in one of my seminars, a woman once told me: “My family is angry at me for raw foodists set, although I do not force anyone to eat raw food. My husband has been a vegetarian for 30 years, the son of 12 years. They always ask me to cook. When I cook for them, I break a raw diet. I do not feel their support. ”
I answered her: “Probably, you unconsciously do something that annoys them. Watch yourself and try to determine what it is. Do not look at others. Lent Wright to see that it is in your behavior causing an outcry of your family. “
A week later, she came to class and told me: “I really found myself on the fact that let go in the native address pins in a rather delicate moments you. I said something offensive or showed my disgust or frustration. Total for the week I change la their attitude to a close, and they in turn – to me. When I began to accept them as they were, they began to accept me. Now my husband makes juice for me in the morning, and even brings him to bed. He tells me: “Honey, I want you to stay on syroednoy que te”. Suddenly my house turned into a peaceful place, and my son eagerly tastes everything that I cook. ”
I earn my living by teaching people to eat food, and for many years I have been fully adhering to a raw food diet. Twenty years ago, when I still hold your valas traditional food, I had a friend – rawfoodist. I remember how annoying comments caused me. One day my oldest son, Stepan, was taken to hospital, he had to make a simple operation, and my friend criticized me for what I have to let it. Now I am ashamed when I remember how angry I was with my friend for his advice. Then I was not ready yet.
Another example is my girlfriend from Denver Tina. She had a serious health problem. For many months she had to go to the hospital for extremely painful procedures. When we came to visit her, she became interested in what we eat with Igor. She asked: “Can you show me how to cook this food? I am interested in, because after 2 weeks I will have surgery (colostomy), which I would like to have a hut reap. ” Just a few days she feels shaft better, and the operation did not take place. Tina realized that for her there are two ways: raw food, cancellation of an operation, life and health or cooked food, an operation and, possibly, death. Tina chose life. When we were visiting her, her four children ate only inferior to the cooked food, my husband gladly used the vodka, ate not only the steaks and pork beaten off the levels, but they etsya become raw foodists. She continued to cook them all that cooked before. She said: “I want everything to be calm.” I agreed with her: “Do not even GGSN nai about it. Do not annoy them. Let them just leave you alone. Tell them anything from them does not require camping. ” Tina did not even tell them that she decided to change her diet.
A year has passed. We drove through Denver and drove to them. I saw the husband of Tina, Sam, dramatically changed the camping. I asked, “Sam, what is going on?” You have changed”. “A month ago, I completely switched to a raw food diet. The children are now raw foodists too, ”he replied with a smile. I was shocked: “What happened?”.
Sam told me why he became a syroed. One day, about a month ago, he drove Tina to work. Since he arrived a little earlier, he got no podaleku from her workplace. And suddenly he noticed how beautiful his wife was. He saw her flirt cus cients, and looked at it absolutely other eyes. Those per he saw what a healthy, sexy and attracting tive she became. Suddenly, he felt that does not match her. As he said: “I rushed to the toilet and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw the bags under the SFA Zami, red face and white hair sticking out. I unbuttoned his shirt and looked at pimples, spilling yielded very substantial across his chest. And I thought: “Who will be with that Kim flirt? “. As I said, Sam, he realized that Tina becomes stronger and prettier, and it just gets old. And Sam decided to change his life, to not suck Vat from his wife. On the way home, he asked his wife to help him become as raw foodists like her. Tina was happy to help her husband. she told me that the children also wanted to eat raw food as soon as Sam moved to syroednuyu diet! daughter postroynela by prettier and is now undergoing selection in the local theater. Everyone in the family life miraculously the way she was transformed. Tina said that she felt the prizes God and her life began to happen such things that she had and did not dream. Tina was very wise women ladle She did not read her family sermons about the benefits of raw foods. She simply cooked raw dishes and ate them, not expecting any reaction from their loved ones. Her body began to recover, and the family noticed these changes. It was her obvious example persuaded near FIRfollow.
I can remember many such cases, the witness acting one how important it is to live in peace with the followers of tra -traditional diet. Failure to understand this can lead to the destruction of the world around us and turning it into a battlefield. We can begin to annoy people with our raw food. Conversely, we can make our conscious choices and live in peace with others. Then miracles can really happen. We do not have the right to control other people. We have no right to expect changes from other people if they are not ready for these changes. On the contrary, our duty is to explain to people that we do not expect changes from them. This does not mean that family dinners are canceled. By why not hold them? You can always tell your spouse, “Dear, why don’t we have a family dinner?” You will have your favorite pig from the tusks, I – stuffed peppers. Let’s talk about the past day, and we’ll just be with each other. ” In the end, the family is built on love, not on food. When our loved ones know that we expect nothing from them, they will relax as they communicate with us. They bu FLS support us, I do not feel pressure from our side. We made our choice, for good reasons. This is the right choice for us, but this does not mean that it can be the right choice for everyone else.
However, when I went on a diet syroednuyu, I post the saw is not like it is now advise you, quite the contrary. I persuaded everyone to go to raw foods. One time I pursued obese shoppers in supermarkets Safeway , trying to explain to them how you can easily Throw Sit weight. I was brought so delighted with the place my family health changes that I literally “with was mad.” I has acquired many enemies before su chalk understand that people themselves must find their way and make their own decisions. If we respect the rights of others, and we can pro Sit on the support of our family. You just need to be sincere and not afraid to tell them: “My dear ones, zaluysta help me. I need support. I dolwomen eat raw food, because it is necessary for my health. When I eat ready-made food, I feel as if I’m falling apart. When I eat raw food, I feel how the energy fills me, and my love for you increases. Please help me. I do not need you to become syroedami. I have an idea: instead of buying me on Sundays senyam chocolate, buy me a ripe mango or other exotic fruit – it will give me the ogre Noah pleasure. I so appreciate your concern. I will help if you keep standing now one hundred le biscuits in the room out of reach for me the place that I would not eat it at the moment of weakness. I am very grateful for your support. ”
Do not be afraid to show their vulnerability, saying his family and close friends, “Look, I need your on power. For me and my health, it is very important to switch to raw foods now. I cannot do this without your help. Support me, do not offer me ready food. You can eat absolutely anything you want, but please don’t offer it to me. ” Ask for a Derzhko – is not the same thing as advising Related Cams and friends become raw foodists. People like a refrain loved ones, because usually in our families and in relationships with friends gives love. Here is a good example. When Millie set di Agnosis “breast cancer”, she went on a raw-food diet. Her whole family (three adult sons and her husband) were set about the contrary, ones. She wrote: “My husband is more and more proud of me! Everything is going wonderfully. My family now understands that I need her support. ” She explained her near Kim that she needed their support to defeat cancer; and since it is not required that they also ate Si Rui food, they did not feel the pressure. At the same time, they were happy to give her any help they could get.
No matter how much we want the rest of our family to feel the benefits of raw food, we can manage only one person – ourselves. We have no right to compel to anything children or rhodium teley, even if they die from cancer. I myself received such a lesson when my mother died of bone cancer and I went a long way to Russia to transfer her to a raw food diet and save it. I worked vehement in daily buying vegetables at the market, and all day squeezing fresh juice from them. On the third day, when I’m on the right to market, my mother whispered to his brother: “Son, sde bark me scrambled eggs I really want to eat! ”When I returned, there was a smell of scrambled eggs in my mother’s room. The brother told me: “I do not want to deceive you. This is my mother asked to cook it. And at that moment I realized naskol to cruel on my part was to dictate their will to my poor mother. If she was not yet ready for a raw-food diet, then my perseverance only made her suffer even more. We have already discussed above how we feel when they are trying to force us to do what we are not ready for.
A friend of mine a young man from Seattle RASSC Hall me he was sorry for his mother, who was suffering from very severe pain. He said that he and his mother were the closest friends in the world. He told me: “I want it to be moved to syroedcheskuyu diet and her pain Shae would not have to suffer.”
I asked him: “And you know that you can make her suffer even more if she feels she does not meet your expectations?”
“I never thought about that,” he replied. After considering the situation, he came home and told his mother: “You know, I’m not upset if you don’t try the diet that I suggest.” A few days later he called me and said: “A miracle happened – my mother wants to try the food that I prepared for her!”
If people are not forced to change their diet, not cont liruyut not condemn their diet, they often do suddenly come to a desire to improve your diet. If we learn to live in peace with people of feeding tovoy food, it is likely we will meet the support instead of resistance.
I have met people who campaigned for other raw food diet, although they have not even tried this que you – like Linda. After attending just one lesson on raw food, she demanded that her friend Jim become a raw foodist. In the next lesson, she complained that Jim did not support her. Somehow she managed to drag Jim to my last class. By this time he developed a strong Prev bezhdenie and resistance to the idea syroedcheskogo power that he just huddled in a corner of the classroom. Od However, after listening to the lecture, Jim was very interested. Two months later, Jim called me and said that he had already been on a raw food diet for 2 months, and Linda thought it was too difficult, and returned to the traditional diet. Ironically, Jim started dating another woman he met at a raw food dinner.
When you cook for yourself lunch or dinner, which is pla niruete eat with your family, do not let the fact that your meal consisted of only a handful of sprouts. This can cause your loved ones sorry for you, they will schi a thief, you are depriving yourself of the many pleasures. When you prepare yourself nicely decorated dainty. Later, your loved ones, attracted by delicious food view, they want to try to do what you are at the ready. And it is possible that, having tried your Creator of GUSTs, they will say: “But not bad!”
Well, what about children who need to cook? Often, we have already taught our children to ready meals, so we must be tolerant of them. In some cases, it is best to gradually increase the proportion of Si ryh products in their diet. I advise you to always have on hand fruits and vegetables for a snack if necessary. Learn how to make ice cream, peanut milk and cocktails from raw foods, various other cocktails, “live” sweets and cakes and various other “goodies” that children love. Clearly show the children that raw food can be action -inflammatory delicious. Have them cook something with you. Buy them an inexpensive blender on sale. But the most important thing is that you should be with him. measure, in no case creating a stir around raw dishes. Remember: children learn by watching those close to them. And let, sitting at the table, they feel by their surrounding atmosphere of harmony and love.
People often ask me how not to offend the family, testi sincerely seeking to express their love, gave us delicious. Refusal to treat can be perceived as distancing and disrespect for them. In answering these questions, I say: “In the following our meeting I’ll bring a bottle of vodka, and then if you do not drink it with me for my health, you vykazhete its neuva voltage me as a Russian.” I think that in such a situation, most of you can easily find a way to reject my proposal without offending and disrespecting me. If you are still having doubts about how to proceed in such cases, here’s MULTI to tips on how you can say “no” to anyone without offending.
If we offer a treat, showing their love and sympathy, even a simple demonstration of how sincerely we appreciate their concern, they take og Romney joy. According to the remarkable system of mine, which is called “The process of non-violent communication” (the method, the gap Botha in the 60-ies of the last century by the American scholar Marshall Rosenberg. It defines the style of conversation and communication, as well as the effect of the method, which is reduced by the violence up and promote relations based on compassion Research Institute), the best way to show how we appreciate this or that act – to express our ICs roll thanks and describe the feelings experienced we are at the moment.
For example, John’s aunt brought him apple pie, which has always been his favorite dessert. She prepared it herself. The following are two possible based scenarios nariya further developments.
John: “What is this? No, I can’t eat it! It is baked and stuffed with sugar. Didn’t you know that I no longer eat such food ?! Those who eat are always sick. For what? Because the baked dough clogs their guts. It is like glue. I do not want to offend you, but I can not deceive you. Aunt, why are you weeping ones? “
John: “What is it, aunt? Oh yes, this is your famous apple pie! I am so touched by your concern, you love me so much! You have spent so much time and money to pamper me! I am so proud that you made it especially for me. Thank you very much! Come in, sit down, I just can not wait to talk to you about ne remeny in my diet that have occurred not long ago. I feel like literally filled with energy. So if you need help in the garden, I can now move mountains! Want to try almond milk? I’m so glad you came to see me. ”
If the conversation in the first scenario will leave a bitter taste in the hearts of both interlocutors, the second scene ry allows John tactfully explain to Aunt motives of his actions, not upset her. And because I want of the aunt of John to treat his favorite treat no doubt indicative of her love for him, she will be pleased to learn about the positive proish dyaschih nephew in life. When I was visiting Russia in their relatives refused to traditional Russian dishes, which I was treated, I took home first offense, but when they ponima whether as raw food is important for me and my zdoro Vya, this feeling they have passed. I showed them my photos before I started eating syroedenie. And they agreed that after the transition to the “rabbit ratsi he,” as they call it, I began to look better. They do not even know what I look like horo sho. If the atmosphere of love reigns in the family, you can always find the right words to explain your position and be heard. Human beings are curious by nature, so they are easy to inspire with something new. I noticed that people enjoy Find their own answers to their questions. Therefore, it is often the best way to help someone – to awaken his curiosity. In the end, we can not change others. I can only change myself. But at the same time, my power over myself is limitless, just as the possibilities of my self-improvement are limitless. If each of us boo children improve ourselves, together, we will change our world.